WARNING: LONG VENTING POST

The Girl called me from Washington Saturday night to get her flight info from her dad so she could check in at the airport the next day. While we were waiting for him to find the numbers on his computer, she told me that she’d had an amazing week and that God had been speaking to her, via a spiritual 2×4, the whole time.

Then she said she wanted to have a “long, in-depth” conversation with me about it when she got home, but “I probably wouldn’t like it.”

So, now what was I supposed to think?

She didn’t get home until about 1 am last night so I was in bed so there wasn’t time to talk.

A little background:

We moved from PA (a Philadelphia suburb) to Baton Rouge three and a half years ago. At the time, the Girl was “dating” a boy there, although her parents didn’t know it. It had been going on for about a year or so. At 14/15 years old, dating consisted of hanging out at a mutual friend’s house with other friends but everyone knew they were a couple except us.

She told us this after we’d lived here six months or so and they weren’t a couple anymore. A distance of 1300 miles will do that, plus she thought it was a good idea not to be officially a couple with that much distance.

Well, time went on and he got a new girlfriend who hated my daughter without ever meeting her. Apparently, the Ex-boyfriend continued to be “obsessed” with my daughter, talking about her a lot and whatever, to the point the new girlfriend made a nasty, stalkerish video suggesting she wanted to kill my child.

When the Girl spoke to Ex-Boyfriend about it, he apologized but he didn’t break up with Stalker Chick. This was where he lost a lot of “good guy” points in my book.

Well, my daughter has a big heart and wanted to “stay friends” with Ex-Boyfriend because they were friends before they were a couple. I have explained to her that, in my experience, “being friends” is hard, if not impossible, because of baggage. Still, though, even while dating Stalker Chick, he’d text the Girl, call her cell at 1 am or IM her when he was sad because he and Stalker Chick were having problems.

Now, when we lived in PA, the Girl, Ex-Boyfriend and several other kids who had all gone to the same Catholic grammar school and church were part of this circle of friends who walked to the high schools (a all-girl one next door to an all-boy one) together. The Girl’s best friend, Hockey Babe, attended the same high school but had moved to another town so she didn’t walk with them, but it was her house they all hung out at.

After we moved and the break-up happened, Hockey Babe stopped being friends with Ex-Boyfriend. He apparently got involved with a strange bunch of kids, Stalker Chick’s friends, and Hockey Babe saw bad things happening.

To this day, I think, Hockey Babe doesn’t like him much and they don’t talk. I think Ex-Boyfriend and Stalker Girl are not together anymore and The Girl keeps trying to tell me he’s changed.

Okay, fast forward to now.

A few days ago, while The Girl was still in Washington, she called just to say hi and I asked if she’d seen anyone she knows from PA. I know many kids from the high school and that area go to the March for Life. After all, PA is a bit closer to Washington, DC, than Baton Rouge and we know a lot of priests and good Catholic kids from there.

She said, “Maybe.”

Maybe is a code word for yes, but I’m being cagey about it because I don’t want to actually tell you I saw him.

I freaked a little (Ex-Boyfriend played a lot of mind games with the Girl in addition to not actually wanting to let go of her while dating Stalker Chick) then jokingly said, “So, you’ve had a wonderful few days with him and you’re back together.”

She laughed and said no.

So, now it’s Saturday and she’s told me that she wants to have a long, in depth talk with me that I won’t like.

All day Sunday I worried and missed her a lot.

We went to Mass Sunday night and her best friend here, Gerard (they’re all My Chemical Romance fans – long story), sat with us. I asked her if she’d talked to the Girl and she said yes and she knew what she wanted to tell me. Then she said, “They aren’t engaged, yet.”

Another friend and her mother arrived and Gerard moved to sit with them and I started wondering anew what this big thing was. I figured it didn’t really have anything to do with Ex-boyfriend as it was God talking to her. I thought maybe she was dropping out of college or something. Maybe she’d decided to leave Catholicism.

Beloved told me to stop worrying and to have faith in her. And I did relax. I figured it wouldn’t be so terrible if it really were God speaking to her.

This morning, we got up late and I didn’t have time to do much more than hug her, but Beloved, who had driven her home from New Orleans last night, said the big thing was that she feels she needs to forgive Ex-Boyfriend (I thought she had) and “convert” him. That was a little weird as he attended Catholic school and his father is a Deacon (or was training to be one, last I knew). She said he’s not as devout as she is and she feels God is telling her she’s supposed to show him a better way or something.

I told her what I’d feared and she got really mad. Her father jumped in and said, “What was your mother supposed to think when you leave us with ‘you probably won’t like it’?” She said she can never mention Ex-boyfriend’s name in the house.

I told her this was not about him. It was about the way she is defensive and starts yelling and assuming we’re mad at her.

Anyway, she says there’s more to her big talk than just the forgiveness thing but we won’t be able to talk until this weekend probably.

I keep praying that if they are going to get back together and eventually…well, I just hope he has changed and that I’ll be able to see it.

I’m also praying she can meet some nice guy here!

And I do know that I’m probably anticipating something that isn’t what she means, but at this point I don’t know what to think.

Oh, and we got up late and I spilled oatmeal on the floor.

Maybe the day can only get better!

I know it’s been about a week or so since I posted. Life just runs away so fast, doesn’t it?

WRITING NEWS

I’ve been working at getting Sword & Illusion completely polished and finished. It isn’t easy. This is a very complicated story and contains lots of delicate threads and changing just one has consequences throughout the book.

My biggest problem right now is Chapter Eight. I will be so glad when that Chapter is declared finished! Beloved is my First Reader and he had great insights. However, he also has a fabulous imagination and is always coming up with “what ifs” that are good but require additional scenes or little fiddles here and there. I know the book is stronger when I’m done with his suggestions but it’s taking me forever.

I had hoped to declare it finished by 19 Feb, when I turn 50, but that’s looking very unlikely. As I said, I’m still fiddling with Chapter 8 and there are 32 chapters in this monster. And with less than 28 days to go, I don’t think I can do it. Frankly, that depresses me a bit. I’ve been working on this for about 2 years.

KID NEWS

The Girl is in Washington, DC this week. She participated in the March for Life and comes home Sunday. I’m sure she’s having a great time and I can’t wait to see pictures!

Funny story: She called me yesterday because she was trying to find a building or something where she was supposed to meet her friends and couldn’t find it. So she called and asked me to look it up on Google Maps and give her directions. Technology actually does make our lives a bit easier, doesn’t it? Some times!

The Boy is doing well with his language therapy. We played Candyland last night and as his therapist recommended before he took a turn, I asked him how two things were different and how they were alike. He answered quickly and without hesitating! He’s talking more and for longer stretches without losing the topic.

It’s time to register him for school for next year and I’m feeling more confident that we can keep him in St. Thomas More. He’s been doing much better there these last couple of months.

He did get a red yesterday so I hope he’s not slipping back into old habits. One thing he does that drives me (and his teacher, apparently) crazy, is he chews on the sleeve of his shirt. It’s been chilly here (around 36 in the am and up to only the 50s, so he’s been going to school wearing a sweatshirt. No more. Twice he’s been “gigged” (a word from my time in the military meaning marked down) for chewing on his sleeve. Fortunately, it got up to 70 yesterday and is supposed to be warmer today.

Beloved has started using a squirt gun to help with discipline. If the Boy is caught with his hand in his pants (he scratches his butt like that often) or chewing on his sleeve, he gets squirted. I prefer just keeping him in short sleeves!

OTHER NEWS

I’m interested in starting a “Scrap for Hire” business, doing digital scrapbooking for other people. I’m trying to trust God about this one. I’ve come up with other plans to bring some extra money into the family before and they’ve all failed miserably so now I’m trying to just talk to Him about this idea and not push ahead trying to make it work. If He sends clients my way, fabulous. If not, I have to keep trusting that He’ll work things out for us.

I haven’t been optimistic about the future lately. It’s no secret I’m not enamored of our new president. His very liberal policies scare the crud out of me. Add to that some financial worries and the stress of dealing with school and medical issues (I hate dealing with our Flexible Spending Account bureaucracy almost as much as I hate that they question practically every payment I use the card for!), and I don’t see a rosy future for us or our kids.

Probably some of this comes from approaching the big 5-0. It feels like such a huge number and I’m not seeing a whole lot of the dreams I’ve had coming true.

Yes, I’m a published author, but am I finished? Do two books published almost 5 years ago (well, yeah, 5 years ago for Fabric of Faith) count as a career?

Well, it’s time to wake up the Boy for school. I’ll write about my weight news at Lowering the Speed Limit.

Both kids are off for Martin Luther King’s birthday.

The Girl said, “I have German and Biology tomorrow. What classes do you have?’

The Boy said, “I think I have PE.”

“I used to have PE.”

Mommy: I think he’s going to the library tomorrow, too.

The Girl: I used to have those, but when you get older, they stop giving you fun classes.

The Boy: Why don’t they love you anymore?

How are you all doing?

I’m trying, AGAIN, to get back on the wagon in my attempt to get my life in order. In about six weeks, I’ll have a milestone birthday. I’m not completely ready to announce the number.

This is the first time in my life that’s the been the case. I’ve always been okay with my age and not at all self-conscious about it, but this one is a biggie and it’s going to be hard to get used to.

Anyway, what’s new since the last time I wrote?

Well, the Girl goes back to college this morning, early, as her first class is at 9:30 and she hasn’t moved into the dorm yet! Beloved went to bed early as he ran 8 miles yesterday, lifted weights and swam in the pool AND went to Mass! He was exhausted. He’s up now, working on his book and waiting for the kids to get moving.

The Boy’s been showing progress from his language therapy. I’ve noticed that he seems to be talking more about things without resorting to nonsense. And he’s been describing things better.

I’m still plugging away on Sword & Illusion. I’m hoping to get it polished completely by my birthday, but it’s not looking too good. I’ve found some small problems in chapters I thought were finished, and I’m having to move some scenes around to make up for some I’m taking out.

Spiritually, I’m trying to lose my tendency to (1) run myself down and see myself as a horrible person and (2) worry about things or be fearful. I know God loves me just the way I am, but it’s something I need to internalize.

I’m getting back into my scrapbooking and did several layouts this weekend. You can see them all here.

One of my goals is to update this thing more often.

I’m going to leave you with my new “overheard at Mass” section:

Yesterday as the Boy and I were kneeling after coming back from Communion, he said, “I see lots of yellow people and not so many chocolate.” (This is something he says a lot to get a reaction, I think.)

I told him that God doesn’t see us as colors. He sees us just as people.

He said, with an excited expression on his face, “You mean, He sees us naked?”

Have a great day, knowing God loves you!

I’ll be turning 50 in February and recently I was having a bit of a crisis about my weight and my writing. You can see the weight stuff at Lowering the Feed Limit.

Anyway, Beloved and I talked about this and he asked me if I thought Sword & Illusion could be done by my 50th birthday. I thought so, then, but right now, I’m not so sure.

I knew it needed work, and I’ve totally “finished” seven of 34 chapters. “Finished” means that I’ve edited them, he’s read them, and both of us, after further edits, have proclaimed them polished and the best they can be.

However, now I’m on Chapter Eight and things are starting to get a little more “tricksey.”

There was a “factor” that I never felt fully comfortable with. I needed to get a character somewhere so he could discover something that would play directly into both major plot lines – the hero’s goal and the heroine’s goal – but the reason I chose to get him from Point A to Point B never actually went anywhere. He discovered what he needed to and the catalyst was forgotten.

Also, that catalyst originally had a purpose but after some rethinking of the plot, that purpose vanished.

So, I knew, deep down, something had to change and Chapter Eight was where it all started.

So, I rewrote it yesterday and cut 33 pages of unnecessary scenes. The good news is that it moves the meeting between the hero and heroine closer to the beginning, but it leaves a lot of stuff kind of in limbo – not where I had them but they are still necessary to the story. AND I did add some stuff that will have to be massaged into the story and it will require more additional stuff later.

Sooo, as you can see, I’m not totally sure I will get this book done on my self-imposed deadline.

Today I’m using Super Notecard to cut the chapters into scenes and making copious notes about who is in each scene and various other things that might come up later.

Also, I have to remember that this is only the second book in a series I think could go on to two or more books, and I need to make sure I don’t forget anything important in Book 4 (what color were her eyes???).

Writing my fantasy books is hard. They are big, overwhelming, complicated books.

But fun. Why would I do it otherwise?

Still, though, I’m looking forward to getting back to the simpler sweet contemporary series I have planned.

Thanks for listening to me vent a little.