I’m a pantser and today I’m fighting with my process.

I learned in Orlando that one of the problems I’ve been having with my writing is that I have been trying to fight my own process. I am a pantser to the tips of my toes, but I am finding out that I have to figure some things out to continue working.

I don’t want to. I want to play and just write whatever I want, but my story isn’t coming together that way.

And. frankly, I’m struggling. I have an idea where the story is going but it’s hard for me to figure out where to start. I’m working on an urban fantasy, so I have a contemporary heroine and a fantasy hero, not to mention a villain and Hurricane Katrina. I have two threads that start out and then weave together. So I have to figure if I start with the hero, the heroine or the villain.

It’s a little frustrating because I need to do a little plotting to figure this all out and it’s against my natural process. I’m actually procrastinating a little because I hate plotting!!

Anyway, I gotta get this book finished before March, so I have to get going.

Are you a plotter or a pantser and if you’re a pantser, do you have any advise??

A year ago today, I was at my in-laws’ home. We’d just finished dinner and were heading to the living room to watch something on television when my cell phone rang. I thought, Hmm, who could be calling me; everyone is here.

Well obviously everyone wasn’t because it was my brother and as soon as he said my name I knew something was wrong. I thought immediately that his wife had gotten hurt. He said, “Mom is gone.”

He lived about 10 minutes from Mom in Ohio and he always called her a couple of times a day just to see how she was doing and such. He hadn’t been able to get hold of her so around 6 pm, he decided just to drive over and see what was up.

As soon as he walked in he knew something was wrong. None of her lights were on and her purse was on the table, so she hadn’t gone anywhere. He saw her lying in her bed and since she never napped, he knew.

She died in her sleep.

My mother was 81 years old, lived alone except for her dog, was a voracious quilter and sew-er, and was active in her church. There were cookies on her table that she’d baked for her Bible study that morning.

I had talked to her just the day before because it was my daughter’s birthday and she’d called to tell me that her present was in the mail. We’d chatted about the kinds of things we always talked about and there was no indication that she wouldn’t be there the next day.

Today, I’m having a sad day. I miss her so much. A lot of stuff has happened in the past year and so many times I’ve wanted to call her and talk. Christmas was hard because had planned to go up to see her and my brother and his wife. They have cats and Beloved and the Boy are allergic so they would have stayed with Mom again and we’d have had Christmas there.

So, we just decided, all of us together, that it would just be easier on all of us to not go up there.

The past year has been one of tears and frustration as we dealt with her estate and what to do with all her things. It was one time I realized what it means to really be an adult. These were all things my brother and I wanted Mom to handle for us!!

This past year has seen my brother deal with many health issues and the loss of his job. I’ve dealt with sciatica and two steroid shots in my back, not to mention behavioral issues with our son and getting that under control.

My daughter turned 21 yesterday which is a big deal but today I’m a little sad.

Mommy, I miss you, and I hope you, Daddy and Dotti are partying in heaven and holding a place for me.

Thanks!

He plays it almost every day, except for the times that he is “grounded” from it. And this morning, I had to ground him again.

My little boy has a habit of putting things in his mouth and apparently, eating some of them. When I got the Wii, I didn’t know anything about what I needed or anything so I asked a salesman at Best Buy and he was great. We got the “fancy” controller covers that are designed to make it harder to drop or let go of the controllers when you use them.

Well, my darling son, chewed on the plastic of the covers until they literally fell apart.

I broke down and went to Amazon and bought two new covers – a pink set (both controller and nunchuck) and a blue one.

This morning I got up to do my Wii Fit exercises and discovered he’s been chewing on the nunchuck cover. So, I confronted him and now he’s not allowed to play the Wii today.

Well, he got into his defensive, angry mode and told us that we (Beloved and I) are mean and we just don’t want him to play. Beloved told him that it is the result of his actions that he can’t have the game today.

Then he moved into what I call irrational argument phase. He told us then that “I guess I’m just a vampire who bites things.”

Sigh. I guess so.

This has to be one of the most OVER THE TOP lobbies I’ve ever been in. Okay, so I’m not a huge world traveler and I haven’t been in tons of fancy hotel lobbies but this amazes me. I’ll try to get a picture of what blows me away.

This is the ceiling of the lobby. My roommate and I discussed whether this is actually fabric, which is what it looks like, or if it’s concrete made to look like fabric. Given that it’s Disney, it could be either and either one would be amazing and totally over the top.

That’s what I love about Disney. It’s super big and the detail is…wait, did I say amazing?

I’m here because Romance Writers of America is holding their annual conference here. This is the conference that was supposed to be in Nashville and one I saved up for two years to attend because Nashville is a doable drive from my house. However, our hotel was flooded and with in a week, the conference was moved here.

Orlando is less of a fun drive, but actually yesterday wasn’t bad. My friend Lynn is with me, although she isn’t really interested in writing romance. She’s a screenwriter and copy writer and probably won’t renew her RWA membership next year.

Still, though, the drive went by fast enough that it didn’t feel like 11 hours, not counting stops.

We got in around 7 local time, checked in and got up to our room, which has NO view unless you count the air conditioning units! Also, the light above my bed doesn’t seem to work, which I need to talk to guest services about. But, you know what? I’m not here for the room. I’m here to absorb as much writing energy as I can and meet people and network and learn!

I know I’m more excited to be here than Lynn is and I think I’m okay with hanging out alone, but I really wish someone would talk to me!

When I came to this conference in 2006, I felt very much out of the loop. Everyone seemed to know other people and groups congregated together. It seems to be a little that way this year, too. I guess that’s to be expected. Some people come every year and have LOTS of writing friends. All, or most, of my writing friends are just online friends that I’ve never actually met in real life. I’m hoping to do that here, at least a bit.

I’ll try to keep you posted on my doings. Back to work, writing, and trying to look approachable.

Well, it turns out that if you have a computer in front of you and your fingers are flying across the keys, people “think” you’re working and they leave you alone. I was sitting on a sofa at the back of a conversational grouping of seats. A woman sat down in a chair next to the sofa, but oa the other end. I smiled but she was on the phone and I just went back to my book. Then, kinda big name author (whose name will be redacted because I’m not stupid and I won’t burn bridges) came by. She and the other woman commented on how impressed they were that I was working, then they proceeded to have what sounded like a fun conversation together. Now and then I would look up – I had told them I was spending more time watching people go by than actually writing – and glance their way, but while one or the other of them would look at me, I wasn’t actually included in the conversation.

Then more big names came by to speak to the big name near me. They all hugged. And squealed. And Ooohed and Aaahed over each other’s clothes.

And they all got introduced to the woman that first sat down.

But not to me, since no one had actually asked me anything.

I began to wonder if this was going to be a boring, lonely conference. My roommate, as I think I mentioned, isn’t a romance reader or writer, but she is a writer and she is interested in meeting and networking, but I wanted to meet and chat with other romance people.

Later, however, I went to the room where the Literacy signing was going to take place to volunteer to help set up.

I walked back and forth and around a literal Disney sized ballroom for two hours, including putting RITA finalist flags at the spaces for about 50 authors (out of 500). The authors were seated alphabetically by last name (Duh) but the list of finalists was alphabetical by FIRST name, so I went from the As to the Ws then back to the Fs and then to the Ms and so forth for probably an hour!

I was tired and about 1.5 hours before the signing, I went back to my room to relax.

Then I went to the signing. I had a list in my head of authors I know personally that I wanted to see and my ego was stroked big time!!

Terri Brisbin sat next to me at a book signing at New Jersey Romance Writers in 2004 and she was SO nice to me, a new, unknown epubbed author (back before Kindle told everyone was ebooks are), and she jumped up when she saw my name tag and was thrilled to see me.

Ditto Alyssa Day from whom I’d taken a Chick Lit writing online class when she was writing as Alesia Holiday and Jax Abbott. She also sent my daughter a copy of her second Jax Abbott book.

Anyway, it ended up being great for my ego.

We have a wall in our dining room that is all mirrors. Don’t ask; it came that way.

Anyway, he walked into the dining room and said, “Let’s see. Do I look handsome or really handsome?”

Gotta love that boy.

Finally, she put me on hold for a couple of minutes and came back and said, “Okay, would you like me to send you the back issues you’ve missed or extend your subscription because your last issue will be mailed in a few weeks?” I told her I want the back issues (it’s a cross stitch magazine) and I’ll renew it online.

Then I asked if she could tell me what had happened.

“The system changed your address.”

Hmm…I’m wondering if someone found my magazine by accident and changed the address to “steal” my subscription!

Anyway, I don’t know how the “system” changed my address any other way.

Just an interesting event in my day.

How’s your day going?

Beloved: You know, veterinary school is very hard to get into.

Me: That’s one of the joys of being a writer. I can just say it’s so and it’s so. No tests, no grades, no hassle!

Anyway, my son has started calling our guinea pig a perb, as in, “Oh, aren’t you a little perb??” He told me that “perb” is something that’s cute. Um, okay.

The Girl made up a word like that when she was little. She used “mudge” for what I would call a gray-peachy color, kinda like Caucasian skin tone. Anyway, we use “mudge” for that color now (and she’s 20). I figure we’ll start calling things “perbs” soon, too.