“When we are set free from the bondage of pleasing others,

when we are free from currying others approval-

then no one will be able to make us miserable or dissatisfied.

And then, if we know we have pleased God,

contentment will be our consolation.

~Kay Arthur-

I think one of the big lessons I’ve learned in my life is that it’s useless to worry about what other people think about you. You’ll never please everyone, and someone will always have something critical to say no matter what you do.

I decided to become Catholic about 13 years ago, after a lot of struggle and prayer. Beloved came to the Church through an intellectual process; he read Church Fathers and realized that the things they taught are what the Catholic Church teaches now. My trip was more about realizing that the doctrines made sense and I saw the Catholic Church standing firm on issues like contraception and abortion when all other “denominations” watered down their beliefs or caved in completely to society.

I don’t care to live the way society tells me to live – it’s not good for my soul to try to conform to what the media or the loudest voices say.

I’ve had to struggle to keep my convictions strong and that struggle has strengthen them. My birth family, all of whom are very dear to me, is not Catholic and there have been some moments of contention about that, some of them quite emotional and harsh, but I have to go with where I believe truth is.

Recently, the issue of standing up for your convictions in the face of vocal dissent came home to me. Last night, in fact.

A political discussion/emotional debate has broken out on the email chat loop of our local RWA chapter. Someone innocently posted what I call a “Yea, America” essay that’s been going around the internet. One of our active members spoke up, pointing out that the essay wasn’t by the supposed author, then went on to lay out her opinions which she unashamedly labeled as liberal. She made the unfortunate claim that “die hard conservatives” aren’t willing to read or hear any other opinions. She also said she’d debate anyone as long as they proved back up for their facts. She provided none for hers.

I answered in a brief email that basically said I was offended by her contention that I wasn’t willing to read any other opinions and stated that she demanded proof for my statements but offered none ofher own.

She came back with an apology for the offensive comment but said that while she knew what she said was true (i.e. people having to choose between putting gas in the car and feeding their children), there was no documentation to “prove that.”

I let it go after that because I’m not a good debater and last year I was “tarred” with the “rude and mean” brush by members of the chapter. I wasn’t willing to risk that again.

Then a friend came home from a trip to all this and spoke up quite vehemently on the conservative side of the issue. Her posts were passionate and accurate, and I began to fear, as the posts went back and forth, that tempers were running high and our chapter could split.

Last night, I privately emailed my friend and we chatted a bit about what has been going on and she said that no one was stepping forward to defend either position – it came down to her and the other woman posting alone.

I had written my own emotional email, outlining some of my personal experience, mainly about the birth/adoption of my kids and how that affected my pro-llife stance, but I had only sent it out to a couple of people.

When I realized that my friend had the courage to stand up for her convictions and was doing it alone, I felt the need to stand up for mine, so I rewrote the post, providing links to articles backing up my statements, and posted to the loop.

I haven’t heard anything yet, except praise from this this friend about my ability to use words, and I went to bed last night worried about the fallout.

However, when I saw today’s quote, I thought about it. I hadn’t flamed anyone nor posted anything but my own opinions and if I’m not willing to be vocal about pro-life and family issues, how can I expect to be an effective witness? If I am so worried about being considered rude and mean that I don’t stand up for what I know is right, what good am I?

Pleasing others is not the way to eternal life. People will always let you down. God is the only one I need to please, and I pray that my words last night, and here, please him and I am truly sorry if they don’t.

Last Easter, I couldn’t get to all the services for the Triduum because the Boy had his tonsils out on Maundy Thursday, so I missed that service. The Girl says Beloved stayed home that night, too, but I don’t remember that. She and I went to Good Friday and then she and Beloved went to the Vigil and I went to Easter morning service alone.

This year, we all went to everything. The choir Beloved and the Girl are in sang for Maundy Thursday, so the Boy and I sat alone in our regular pew (right up front, as close to the choir as we can get without actually being IN the choir). Well, I guess not alone as an older lady sat with us due to the number of attendees. Just so you know, this is a very small pew. It can comfortably hold four people, but I don’t know that you could squeeze in five, so the Boy and I aren’t taking up six or seven places all by ourselves!

When they took the Eucharist out of the church, I cried a little and tried to explain to the Boy what was happening. I told him Jesus was going to die and wouldn’t be with us until Easter Sunday. As the priests carried the consecrated hosts all around the church and then over to where they would rest for adoration until late that night, I saw a few tears running down the Boy’s cheeks as well. This may be my child who wrestles with God, but at that moment, he got the emotions of the moment, anyway.

There was a gumbo supper after that service, and even though our line was directed through past the desserts first, I didn’t have any. The gumbo was delicious and not too spicy.

We sat with a couple we’d never met before and through the conversation I mentioned I’m a writer and gave them my website address and the names of my books. I really need to print up new business cards!

On Good Friday, we all went – again sitting in the same pew (they should put our names on it like they used to do in those old churches). Someone on the decor committee had hung a red banner over the crucifix and the altar was cleared except for three chairs and the lectern. It was kind of emotional to see that, which is good for Good Friday. We should feel the emotion!

After that service, the decor committee, which I’m on, decorated for Easter. Beloved, the Girl AND the Boy helped. The Girl tried to figure out how to get disadvantaged service hours out of it, but decided to be honest and not count this work.

Anyway, we worked from about 4:30 or a little later until about 7:30 or so when one of the men brought in catfish and hush puppies. Well, I don’t eat fish or any seafood (a bit of a handicap living in Louisiana) so I’d made a kind of lasagna thing, without meat, of course, as it was Good Friday – which is a day of fast and abstinence. I had some of my lasagna, some yummy salad, some bread and one cookie. Then, I left the room where the food was because those cookies were calling to me and having any more food would violate, in my opinion, the whole spirit of the fast and abstinence rule. In reality, I probably shouldn’t have had that cookie, but whatever.We left right after we ate because it was after the Boy’s bedtime and most of the work was finished anyway.

I had a HeartLA meeting on Saturday morning and the Girl volunteered at a nursing home for some disadvantaged service hours.

Our RWA chapter had some surprising news on Thursday; our president resigned, citing family reasons. I don’t know what those are and won’t speculate here, but our vice-president said she didn’t feel ready to step in as president, yet.Our chapter has this kind of “succession” system. It’s kind of understood that if you agree to run for and are elected vice-president, you will be president the next year. We’re such a small chapter we don’t have a lot of people running for offices, so basically, if you agree to run, you will hold the office.

As I was president last year, I told our VP that if she needed my help on Saturday, I’d be there. I missed the last two months due to pneumonia (Jan) and the Boy’s Pinewood Derby (Feb – he won first place in car design!). She said she thought she could run the meeting but was glad I’d be there to help if she needed it.

Then, Elaine Grant, who was president two years ago, contacted me and asked if I would be willing to be co-president with her this year to help our VP get through her year of learning the ropes. I agreed. I’ll be running meetings and Elaine will work on the luncheon.

We didn’t go to the vigil on Saturday night. While I love that service and it really feels like Easter when I go, the Boy wouldn’t have been able to handle a 2+ hour service, no matter how beautiful.

Sunday morning, we went to church and then spent a lovely, NO TV, day. Beloved had brined the turkey (yes we had turkey for Easter – we’d gotten two for the winter holidays and had one still in the freezer), and roasted it upside down and it was the most delicious turkey I think I’ve ever had.

It was lovely, relaxing day.

The kids have this week off from school, and the Girl has a ton of stuff to do so it may end up being me and the Boy around here. I hope to get a lot done on Sword & Illusion. I can always get the Boy interested in coloring or building with his blocks and he can be good for an hour or so!

How was your holiday? Blessed, I hope!

Do I?

As part of my Lenten disciplines, I am praying a rosary every day, but recently I realized that I’m saying the words (I do it while waiting in the carpool line to pick up the Boy from school) but am I really praying? Really talking to my Lord?

The Girl is a wonderful young woman of God and when she says her prayers at night (we all pray our nighttime prayers together in the Boy’s room when it’s time for him to go to bed), it often sounds a little irreverent to me:

“And God, you know that thing-a-ma-bob I want to pray about before but I forget what it was now, well, you know all that stuff and, yeah, that and all the other, you know, school junk and my biology thingie and well, yeah, all that. Amen.”

When I asked her about that, she said she talked to God that way all the time because He’s always around and like her friends.

So when I realized that I’m saying the words of the rosary, while sitting in the car, but not thinking about them, I also realized that my relationship with Jesus is kinda distant. I mean, I have never doubted His presence or any of that, and I still go to Adoration every Saturday morning at midnight until 1 am. And there, He’s RIGHT THERE, you know? RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, and He’s just sitting there waiting for ME!! Waiting for me to come and be alone with Him.

However, even with that, the rest of the week, I don’t pray much and I worry and often He’s not the first thing I think of when I hurt or something bad happens.

So, I made a new plan for Lent.

I am a geek and kind of a talk radio addict. When I’m in the car I listen to WJBO, the local conservative talk radio station, so when my rosary is finish, I would turn Sean Hannity on and listen to him.

At home, at the computer, I listen to Live365.com  and a station called Can’t Take the Sky, that plays music about and inspired by Firefly and Serenity, one of my obsessions. Yes, it’s a little geeky, but don’t ask what’s on my mp3 player!

Anyway, I decided for the rest of Lent, I will not listen to those things. I’ll listen to KLOVE our local Christian radio station and on the Internet, I’ll listen to the Catholic Jukebox.

I also started trying to talk to Jesus the way the Girl does.

I’ve felt much closer to God since I made these decisions and some personal things happened that seemed like His hand reaching down and touching me.

Now, the next issue is that Atheist Guy is still here and went to Mass with us yesterday. I’m trying to show him how happy a Christian marriage and family can be because he really is a pessimist. He doesn’t where he is working and doesn’t see any way to find a better job and he’s very cynical. Even going to Mass with us, he made a few comments in jest that my husband takes in stride but they drive me crazy. He even took a book with him (H.P. Lovecraft!) and read it during the offertory and I think communion. I mentioned it to Beloved after Mass, but he said, “don’t worry about it.”

But, the homily was all about if we know Jesus in our hearts, not our heads. Talking about when a Protestant asks you if you’re saved or if you know Jesus. Do we know Him?

I felt as though he were talking to me, but I do feel better about my relationship with my Saviour and I plan not to move away again!

If you’re interested in how things are going with my bout of pneumonia, check out my weight loss blog.

I got the idea for this post from Rocks in My Dryer, but I’d been thinking about blogging some of the stuff my little one says and this is a great opportunity to do that.

My children are eighteen years old and five years old. Our son was adopted when our daughter was twelve years old, so in honor on National Adoption Awareness Month (thanks to Perky for alerting me to this) I’m using purple for my posts this month.

Of course, she’s a girl, he’s a boy, but the differences go so much deeper.

The Girl was a delicate little flower as a child, careful and safe. We never had to baby-proof anything because she never really got into anything she shouldn’t.

The Boy climbed the moment he realized he could and knew no fear, diving head first off the couch and climbing out of his crib.

The Girl seems to have inherited my medical problems and her father’s height, but did not get any of the allergies that plague her father.

The Boy has the same allergies as his dad and in many ways, they are worse (he was adopted, remember!).

The Girl was always quiet in school. We were always surprised when her teachers told us that she was quiet because she blabbered all the time at home.

The Boy gets in trouble for talking during work time and rest time at school.

The Girl watched The Little Mermaid over and over again until I can recite the whole movie from heart.

The Boy ran toward a creepy bloody face on a DVD box at Blockbuster and demanded (at age 3!) that we rent this movie! (Um, NO!)

The Girl believed everything we told her about Jesus from the time she was able to say “Jesus made me.” She never questioned her faith, at least not in our hearing.

The Boy questions EVERYTHING! Mass is an interesting experience with him. I told him one Sunday to turn around and face front because we weren’t there to pay attention to the little girl behind him.

Me: “We’re supposed to be paying attention to Jesus.”

Him: “Oh, sorry. I didn’t see him there.”

We have many interesting theological discussions as I try to tell him what I can about the Eucharist and our faith. Whenever the priest holds up the host and says, “This is the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. Happy are those who are called to his supper.” I tell the Boy to look.

Me: See? It’s Jesus.

Him: I don’t see any eyes.

One day, as we were talking about how he behaves in school, I told him that he maybe should pray to God and ask for help.

Him: God is just a statue in Church.

Nope, this is not going to be a kid who believes easily. I pray that like Jacob, if he has to wrestle with God, he will come out blessed and strong in his faith.

I don’t often write about spiritual stuff on this blog, but I am a devout Catholic Christian and sometimes things come up that I think need to be discussed. I found this article written by a fellow Catholic author, Pete Vere, and with all the hoopla that has gone on about Harry Potter for so long, I thought I’d offer this as something else to discuss.

Note: I had kinda wanted to see The Golden Compass before I read this.

Seventeen Questions about Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials
By Pete Vere

Editor’s Note:
The Golden Compass, a fantasy film starring Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig, is being released this month by New Line Cinema, the producers of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. New Line hopes to capitalize on its previous success by appealing to Tolkien fans—especially younger ones—and implying that they will find similar satisfaction in this new release. But buyer beware.
The movie is based on the first novel in a trilogy by bestselling children’s author Philip Pullman, a professed enemy of Christianity. Pullman’s works are not widely known in the U.S., but in his native England his books are outsold only by J.K. Rowlings’ Harry Potter series. Hollywood has invested a goodly sum in the promotion of his cleverly disguised screed against God and his Church. Pete Vere gives the low-down on Pullman, his trilogy, and the movie below. In the following article, Sophia Sproule compares Pullman to his arch-nemesis—C.S. Lewis.

1. Who is Philip Pullman?
Pullman is a graduate of Oxford University and a leading author of bestselling children’s fantasies. He is also an avowed humanist who has actively campaigned against religion as a pernicious force in human society.

2. What are the His Dark Materials books about?
His Dark Materials is Pullman’s fantasy-fiction trilogy for young readers, comprising The Golden Compass (1995; published in the United Kingdom as Northern Lights), The Subtle Knife (1997), and The Amber Spyglass (2000). Drawing on the scientifically based concept of universes parallel with our own, the trilogy tells the story of Lyra Bevelacqua, a 12-year-old girl who discovers a path between worlds with the help of an “alethiometer,” or truth measure. She and her companions engage in a struggle against forces of evil.

3. How has the trilogy been received?
Pullman’s books have won several prestigious awards, both in his home country of Britain and in the U.S. Literary critics hail him as a new J.R.R. Tolkien and a better writer than J.K. Rowling.

4. Do Pullman’s works have anything in common with other fantasy writers?
Pullman, like literary giants C.S. Lewis and Tolkien, is an Oxonian who writes about imaginary worlds in which good and evil strive to control the fate of mankind. Pullman, however, has expressed significant distaste for the books of his predecessors. (See “For Good and Ill: They Slip Past Watchful Dragons”)

5. How is the upcoming film based on The Golden Compass being marketed?
The Golden Compass has been adapted into a movie starring Nicole Kidman, Eva Gaëlle Green, Daniel Craig and other Hollywood stars. The movie (to be released on December 7, 2007) is being produced by New Line Cinema, the company behind The Lord of the Rings, and is squarely targeted at the same demographic. It has the potential to generate sequels based on the remaining books in the trilogy.

6. Why should parents be concerned about the film and the books?
Because of the film and the wide audience Pullman’s books have, Catholic parents should be aware of how Pullman uses the literary genre of children’s fantasy to undermine the Christian faith and promote atheism. The major problems fall into these general categories:

• Blasphemy against the Judeo-Christian concept of God
• Depiction of Catholic Church as evil, and religion in general as obscurant
• Promotion of the occult
• Endorsement of relativism as an acceptable system of belief
• Heretical portrayal of the human person

7. How does Pullman portray God in the series?
Pullman describes God as the first angel, who evolved out of pre-existing “dust.” He calls himself the creator, but this is a lie to increase his power.

He was never the creator. He was . . . the first angel, true, the most powerful, but he was formed of Dust as we are, and Dust is only a name for what happens when matter begins to understand itself. (The Amber Spyglass)

God is referred to as “the Authority” throughout the first two books. Although it is not explicit in the first two books, the reader can deduce that Pullman is speaking of the biblical God because of the presence of “the Church” and the occasional reference to Scripture. In the third book he makes it explicit that he means the Judeo-Christian God by citing most of the names for God the Father used in Holy Scripture:

The Authority, God, the Creator, the Lord, Yahweh, El, Adonai, the King, the Father, the Almighty—those were all the names he gave himself. (The Amber Spyglass)

8. How does Pullman explain Lucifer’s rebellion against God and his angels?
Like Lucifer, Lyra and her companions set out to overthrow “God” and his kingdom. One of her companions is Dr. Mary Malone, a former Catholic nun from our world who is now a physicist. Together they finish the rebellion begun by Lucifer and her angels for the benefit of humanity. (The devil is female in Pullman’s multi-verse.)

9. How does the Catholic Church figure into the story?
The Church in Lyra’s world exerts a major influence on the lives of all the characters. It has a college of cardinals, a college of bishops, priests, nuns, and a magisterium. It even boasts converts from Protestantism. In Lyra’s world, Protestant reformers remained within the Church, elected John Calvin as Pope, moved the Church’s headquarters to Geneva, and then did away with the papacy altogether.

10. How does Pullman portray the Church?
Pullman caricatures the Church as an oppressive institution. The parallel-universe Church in His Dark Materials is obsessed with power. It exerts absolute control over the masses and gives its blessing to all manner of evil action in the name of the Authority.
Characters who have religious vocations in Pullman’s world are either rabid zealots or are looking to advance their worldly status. Their victims are often children.
Church officials lie, confiscate property, and engage in petty infighting. They make use of torture. They murder, kidnap, and mutilate children, and they oversee scientific experiments where children are severed from their souls. They even dispatch a priest to murder the main character. Each of these actions is carried out in the name of the Authority, Pullman’s code word for the Judeo-Christian God, and with the Church’s full blessing.

11. What else does Pullman have to say about Christianity?
Pullman’s most dangerous error concerning the Church is probably too subtle for younger readers to spot. Because the trappings of Catholicism have been retained by an essentially Calvinist belief system, the story suggests that theological differences among Christians are meaningless. What matters most to the Church is power and control over the masses. This is Karl Marx’s old canard that religion is the opiate of the masses, repackaged for children.

12. What roles do magic and the occult play in the story?
Pullman introduces witches and shamans as the true spiritual leaders of both our world and his alternative multi-verse. These witches and shamans are important supporting characters. Without their assistance, Lyra and her father, Lord Asriel, would not be able to organize the war against the Authority.

13. What real-world elements of occultism does Pullman employ to advance the plot?
Dr. Mary Malone, the nun from our world who loses her faith in God, leaves the convent, and becomes an experimental scientist, discovers the capacity to communicate with dark matter. She turns to a Chinese form of divination known as the I-Ching. Through the I-Ching, the former nun helps rescue the book’s protagonist. In the story, the occult can help in doing good, whereas the Judeo-Christian God only disappoints or leads people to do evil.

14. How does Pullman’s depiction of magic differ from its use in The Lord of the Rings, The Chronicles of Narnia, or the Harry Potter series?
The magic in His Dark Materials is not like the elf-magic of Tolkien. In The Lord of the Rings, magic is pure fantasy that belongs to a special race and is used to create objects of value. Similarly, the magic described in C.S. Lewis and J.K. Rowlings’ stories has no basis in real occult practices. Moreover, their fantasy worlds do not portray any sort of Church and certainly do not pit magic against God and the Church.

15. How does the novel characterize the morality of decision-making?
In one instance, Lord Asriel murders Lyra’s best friend in order to open up a portal between worlds. Within the story, the murder of a child was necessary for the greater good, since Lyra’s father needed to open this portal to further his war against the Authority. The end justifies the means in Pullman’s universe.

16. What is the nature of the soul in Pullman’s trilogy?
Every character in Lyra’s parallel world possesses something called a daemon (pronounced “demon”). The name daemon is borrowed from the ancient Greeks. The philosopher Socrates described his daemon as a quiet voice inside his head that helped him discern right from wrong. Socrates, therefore, equated his daemon with his conscience.
In Pullman’s world, the daemon is a cross between a person’s conscience and a person’s soul. The daemon is external and attached to a human. It takes on an animal form that best reflects the personality and character of the human to whom the daemon belongs. Its form changes from moment to moment during childhood. However, the daemon chooses a fixed form sometime during its human’s adolescence. Thus the individual’s personality and character become fixed for life. The daemon dissipates upon death.

17. What does Pullman have to say about gender and the nature of the person?
Pullman ties the daemon to human nature. The reader notices early on that the gender of most daemons is opposite that of the human to whom the daemon is attached. Only one character in the first two books shares the same gender as his daemon, and this is hailed as a rarity.
One character, Dr. Grumman, is an explorer from our world who finds himself trapped in Lyra’s world. There he discovers his daemon when she becomes external. “Can you imagine my astonishment,” says Grumman, “at learning that part of my own nature was female, and bird-formed, and beautiful?”
Pullman’s errors concerning human nature and the soul are a direct attack on the Christian teaching that God created us with a human soul, and he created us male and female.

Pete Vere is a canon lawyer and a Catholic journalist. He is the co-author of Surprised by Canon Law and Surprised by Canon Law 2: More Questions About Canon Law (Servant Books). He and his wife Sonya are parents to three young children.

Sorry I’ve been so neglectful of this blog. Life just seems to get in the way of doing the things I want to do.

Some quick updates:

Writing update:

I’ve kind of put off writing because of some other things going on. I finished judging the entries I got from the Get Your Stiletto in the Door contest. I wanted to get them all done before the cruise so it wasn’t hanging over my head.

I’ve dug out an old story about a woman with three children whose husband was a hostage in the Middle East for three years and was just released to come home to a life that is very different from the one he left. The version I have now is very Catholic and while I’ve been hoping to get something ready to send to one of the conventional publishers, I think I want to finish this one the way it is and send it to Wings. Until someone is willing to publish Catholic romances, I guess I’ll have to keep writing those for small presses.

Today, between doctor appointments, I’m going to work on the workshops for the cruise.

Weight loss update:

Or should I say weight gain update. Yes, I was up 1.6 this week at my weigh-in. I had a long cry about it when I got home, and yes, I yelled at God about it. I know what I need to do, but I get discouraged at the idea that I’ll have to spend the rest of my life eating only fruits and vegetables, without treats. AND with the cruise next week, I don’t foresee my next weigh in being any better. Next week the topic is how we’re not our weight and I’ll miss it. That’s the one I need1

Sewing/craft update:

I finished a skirt and a pair of pants for the cruise. The pants are a little loose, but the elastic is sewn in so I can’t really fix them. The good part is I have another pair cut from that same pattern and now I know to cut the elastic a little smaller. I have another skirt done,but it needs to be hemmed. I will try to do that today.

I have been cleaning up the rec room/craft area because a friend from church who is a rubber stamper, too, is coming over to hang out for a while tomorrow.

General life update:

The Boy is going through a very rebellious, contentious stage. He throws a temper tantrum, complete with screaming and crying if he doesn’t get his own way. I’m trying to stay calm when these things happen. Yesterday I did pretty well. I firmly told him to go to the bedroom if he wasn’t going to stop fussing and crying. Of course he said no and we had a little bit of a chase around the living room, but eventually I got him “herded” (walking with me close behind him) to the bedroom. I got him on his bed and told him to stay there. He fought a little and I took two of his stuffed animals away. They were actually The Girl’s, but he and I’d collected all the animals in the house in our room for a party over the weekend. I left the room when he was “settled” on the bed, and set the timer for five minutes. He began to scream at me, and I went back in for a little talk. Came out again, and reset the timer. After about three minutes, I heard something hit the adjoining wall between the bedroom and the rec room. I went in to see what he’d thrown – a printer cartridge for a printer that doesn’t work anymore. I took his favorite stuffed animal and put it on a high shelf in the closet, told him he was to stay on that bed until I got back and if he threw anything again he’d lose more toys.

He made it through the next five minutes, but he acted up again after Daddy got home and got a time out again.

I just PRAY that this phase ends soon.

Check out The Catholic Carnival to read a lot of great essays on faith, including one by yours truly, ME!