Do I?

As part of my Lenten disciplines, I am praying a rosary every day, but recently I realized that I’m saying the words (I do it while waiting in the carpool line to pick up the Boy from school) but am I really praying? Really talking to my Lord?

The Girl is a wonderful young woman of God and when she says her prayers at night (we all pray our nighttime prayers together in the Boy’s room when it’s time for him to go to bed), it often sounds a little irreverent to me:

“And God, you know that thing-a-ma-bob I want to pray about before but I forget what it was now, well, you know all that stuff and, yeah, that and all the other, you know, school junk and my biology thingie and well, yeah, all that. Amen.”

When I asked her about that, she said she talked to God that way all the time because He’s always around and like her friends.

So when I realized that I’m saying the words of the rosary, while sitting in the car, but not thinking about them, I also realized that my relationship with Jesus is kinda distant. I mean, I have never doubted His presence or any of that, and I still go to Adoration every Saturday morning at midnight until 1 am. And there, He’s RIGHT THERE, you know? RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, and He’s just sitting there waiting for ME!! Waiting for me to come and be alone with Him.

However, even with that, the rest of the week, I don’t pray much and I worry and often He’s not the first thing I think of when I hurt or something bad happens.

So, I made a new plan for Lent.

I am a geek and kind of a talk radio addict. When I’m in the car I listen to WJBO, the local conservative talk radio station, so when my rosary is finish, I would turn Sean Hannity on and listen to him.

At home, at the computer, I listen to  and a station called Can’t Take the Sky, that plays music about and inspired by Firefly and Serenity, one of my obsessions. Yes, it’s a little geeky, but don’t ask what’s on my mp3 player!

Anyway, I decided for the rest of Lent, I will not listen to those things. I’ll listen to KLOVE our local Christian radio station and on the Internet, I’ll listen to the Catholic Jukebox.

I also started trying to talk to Jesus the way the Girl does.

I’ve felt much closer to God since I made these decisions and some personal things happened that seemed like His hand reaching down and touching me.

Now, the next issue is that Atheist Guy is still here and went to Mass with us yesterday. I’m trying to show him how happy a Christian marriage and family can be because he really is a pessimist. He doesn’t where he is working and doesn’t see any way to find a better job and he’s very cynical. Even going to Mass with us, he made a few comments in jest that my husband takes in stride but they drive me crazy. He even took a book with him (H.P. Lovecraft!) and read it during the offertory and I think communion. I mentioned it to Beloved after Mass, but he said, “don’t worry about it.”

But, the homily was all about if we know Jesus in our hearts, not our heads. Talking about when a Protestant asks you if you’re saved or if you know Jesus. Do we know Him?

I felt as though he were talking to me, but I do feel better about my relationship with my Saviour and I plan not to move away again!

If you’re interested in how things are going with my bout of pneumonia, check out my weight loss blog.