This past weekend was the Jambalaya Jubilee Writers’ Conference in Houma, Louisiana. Houma is about two hours from Baton Rouge and my friend, Josephine Templeton’s parents have a camp about half an hour from the location of the conference. This is the second year I’ve gone down with her.

Last year, Rhonda Leah, was also with us, and she and I went to a Cherry Adair workshop. Rhonda and Jo stayed up later than I wanted to the night before and since we were all sleeping in the same room, I was kinda tired.

I was in the workshop room before Rhonda arrived and I yawned. Cherry told me to stop yawning and about that time Rhonda came in. I told Cherry it was her fault and then the two of us were giggling before the workshop about who knows what and Cherry told us she was keeping an eye on us.

This year, Rhonda couldn’t go with us because her husband was in a lot of pain with his back. She left a note on Facebook telling us that she wished us a good day.

Well, this year, Jo, Meredith Tague, and I attended a Heather Graham creativity workshop.

She broke the whole group up into smaller groups and the three HeartLA ended up in the same group.

To be honest, I’m not sure we would have allowed Heather to put us into different groups!

Anyway, we took part in a hands-on workshop where she gave all groups a single sentence – “She tripped over the body in the dark. Then we got a location, in our case, haunted house. Next, we chose three characters, actor, stripper, and maestro. Last, we got three adjectives: one-eyed, lame and blond.

We wrote our selection, but in the midst of it we did a lot of giggling and had a lot of fun.

What we didn’t realize was that we were the only group who probably all knew each other before. So the rest of the groups weren’t laughing a lot.

When the time came to stop writing, Heather said, “Okay, who wants to read what they wrote? How about the rowdy girls in the back corner?”

It seemed to be the conclusion of the other three that the common factor was me.

I think that has to be wrong. Don’t you?

Since the RWA National Conference, I have believed that I was a hardcore pantser – someone who gets a story idea and dives, blindly, into the mist and trusts that the story will present itself. In workshops at the conference, I heard other hardcore pantsers talk about their writing process. Several of them are multipublished and even bestsellers.

I even went to a workshop in which the presenter had the participants evaluate themselves and I came up 100% pantser.

I went home convinced that God was bashing me over the head with a two by four (which He does often because I’m so thick headed) to tell me that He wants me to be a writer. The picture on the misselette the Sunday after the conference, in the church in Orlando, Mary, Queen of the Universe, was of “Jesus, the Storyteller.”

I decided to attack my writing as a true pantser – no planning – just writing.

I haven’t finished anything since then. I’ve started several books and they have all stalled.

So, I’ve decided that I need to figure out how to plot and I’m stumped. I get so caught up in the rules, and forms to fill out and things like the Three Act Structure and Goal, Motivation and Conflict, that I freeze.

I know I need to have guideposts or something. Something to shoot for or head for when I’m writing, but as a pantser, I don’t always know where I’m going until I get there.

If any of you are panters who are reformed or who have advice on how to keep the mist from overwhelming me, please help me figure out how not to get lost.

I have two book ideas (okay I have a ton but this post is about two in particular) that kinda play off a “superhero” idea.

One that’s on the back burner for the time being is a YA about a high school girl whose mother marries the headmaster of a superhero high school, and therefore, she is enrolled there. I did for a NaNoWriMo a couple of years ago.

Question: Would you prefer to read such a story that ends with her finding out that she actually does have super powers or one that ends with her figuring out how to fit in and see herself as powerful without super powers?

On a similar vein, I’m working on what I hope will be the first of a series of urban fantasy/romances about Storm Wizards – people who have the ability to control the weather. My heroine, at this point in my rough draft, has little power and thus works as a trainer. A Storm Wizard she trained, and loved romantically, has apparently gone rogue and has created a line of hurricanes that threaten the Gulf Coast.

Question: Would you be happier, without knowing the rest of the plot, to find out that she actually does have more power than she thought or would you be okay with her not having much?

My husband firmly believes that in both cases my heroines should find out they have more stronger powers “because that’s what we all want” but I’m leaning more toward my heroines becoming more satisfied with who they are and finding happiness without the powers.

What do you think?

This week marked the 25th anniversary of the day I met my husband, the man who makes every day of my life happier than it could have been without him.

However, somewhere along the way, I’ve lost belief in myself. I am at my lowest weight since Weight Watchers started their new Points Plus program, which I love because all fruit is no points! That means I can eat the foods I really love without worrying about 1 or 2 points every time I have an apple or a pear or even, can you believe it, a banana!

I want to work for Weight Watchers. I know I’m good at speaking in front of people and I believe in what Weight Watchers teaches. I want to share that with other people.

However, I’ve wanted this for a couple of years now and I haven’t gotten to the weight I need to be. Now I’m only less than 5 pounds from being able to apply to work as a receptionist. Ultimately, I want to be a leader. I have to be within 2 pounds of my goal weight.

My “Real” goal weight is 143 because that was the weight I was at the day of my kidney transplant, but that is 12 pounds lower than the top of my healthy weight range of 155. That’s where I have to be and right now I’m about 14 or so from that, but I only need to be 10 from that to be able to work.

I’m scared that I won’t get there. A couple of years ago, when I was 15 pounds from my goal, I filled out a survey my WW leader asked us to fill out. One of the questions was would you want to work for them and I said yes. I never lied about where I was, but they interviewed me even though I was still 15 pounds. They hired me and I was stunned.

I went to my first training session and everyone introduced themselves. Everyone there but me was at goal or at lifetime and I admitted that I still needed to lose five pounds. They were all so supportive and said, “It’s done. By the time training is done you’ll be there.”

I never got there. I messed up somewhere along the line. I struggled and I stressed and I did whatever I could do but the weight didn’t come off. Finally, I asked to be taken off the employee rolls because it wasn’t working.

Now I see myself so close again and I just KNOW I’m going to blow it again. I know what I have to do, and I have tried to be careful, but yesterday I heard that my sister-in-law lost SIX pounds this past week and that puts her at 75 pounds lost.

I’m so happy for her, but inside I’m thinking, it’s never going to happen for me. Not that I need to lose 75 pounds, but will I ever get to my goal or even lose the five pounds I need to start working.

My mother-in-law, who walks with a cane and uses a wheelchair at home, and who loves her desserts, loses more weight than I do EVERY WEEK.

Of course, even if I lose that five pounds, will I mess that up and gain it back?? I just don’t have any confidence that I can do it.

This is exactly how I feel about my writing, too. I haven’t been published is 7 years and I wonder if it’ll ever happen for me again. Right now I have been sending my epic fantasy novel to agents and contests. No positive response from any agent, and it’s too early for the contest results. I just feel like it’s not going to happen for me again.

I really need something to happen to give my confidence again. I wish I could figure out what that is and how to find it.