Gossip Girl is my guilty pleasure and down time TV, relaxation show. I’m now on the fifth season.

One of the characters, Dan, has wanted to be a writer since we first saw him, so naturally I knew that part wouldn’t be portrayed realistically. My daughter has already finished the series and warned me that I might need to have something to bite on when I got to this part to keep from screaming.

First off, he wrote a book, secretly and had it all printed up, just sitting in his room. Who prints up their book these days? At least not before, say, a publisher asks him to? I might be crazy, but that takes a lot of paper, ink and time just to have it in a box under your bed.

Second, a friend of his finds it, thinks it’s brilliant and hand carries it to “a friend of hers that works in publishing?” So, I’m assuming a lot of recent (past two years) high school graduates have “friends in publishing” that are high enough up the food chain to make it worthwhile to do this. Next, friends that are this high up the ladder (see those mixed metaphors, people? I be a riter, too.) who have the time to read PAPER? And of course, decide the book is brilliant and agree to publish it – WITHOUT EDITS??????

Third, the publisher decides to publish it under “Anonymous” and send the royalty/advance checks to an address in FRANCE so this “friend” can send the money along to the real author and keep his name out of it.

Fourth, so Dan finds out this is happening and goes to a famous author, who happens to be HIS FRIEND, who also decides the book is brilliant and plans an elaborate scheme to force Dan to admit he’s the author, which works of course because after going through all the trouble to not tell his friends and family that he wrote a “scathing satire” of their lives, he will just admit he wrote it rather than let someone else’s name be on the cover.

Fifth, and this is possibly the most unbelievable part of all, within a day or so of Dan’s agreeing to put his name on the book, the book is now printed in hardcover and he wants to tell all his friends himself before the BIG BOOK LAUNCH PARTY they’re all invited to. Dan tells them read the book before the party that night! See, all my friends would have that kind of time – to read an entire book in a day because I asked!

His father, who is a major rock music producer, says, “I’m going to clear all my meetings with the big rock band I produce, so I can spend the day reading your book, son.”

LIKE RIGHT. I don’t think one person in my family was so excited about any of my books to sit down and read it in one day, let alone decide to cancel or blow off all their appointments or work for the day to do it.

Okay, head not exploding now that I’ve ranted. There may be more ranting coming, so be prepared.