A year ago today, I was at my in-laws’ home. We’d just finished dinner and were heading to the living room to watch something on television when my cell phone rang. I thought, Hmm, who could be calling me; everyone is here.
Well obviously everyone wasn’t because it was my brother and as soon as he said my name I knew something was wrong. I thought immediately that his wife had gotten hurt. He said, “Mom is gone.”
He lived about 10 minutes from Mom in Ohio and he always called her a couple of times a day just to see how she was doing and such. He hadn’t been able to get hold of her so around 6 pm, he decided just to drive over and see what was up.
As soon as he walked in he knew something was wrong. None of her lights were on and her purse was on the table, so she hadn’t gone anywhere. He saw her lying in her bed and since she never napped, he knew.
She died in her sleep.
My mother was 81 years old, lived alone except for her dog, was a voracious quilter and sew-er, and was active in her church. There were cookies on her table that she’d baked for her Bible study that morning.
I had talked to her just the day before because it was my daughter’s birthday and she’d called to tell me that her present was in the mail. We’d chatted about the kinds of things we always talked about and there was no indication that she wouldn’t be there the next day.
Today, I’m having a sad day. I miss her so much. A lot of stuff has happened in the past year and so many times I’ve wanted to call her and talk. Christmas was hard because had planned to go up to see her and my brother and his wife. They have cats and Beloved and the Boy are allergic so they would have stayed with Mom again and we’d have had Christmas there.
So, we just decided, all of us together, that it would just be easier on all of us to not go up there.
The past year has been one of tears and frustration as we dealt with her estate and what to do with all her things. It was one time I realized what it means to really be an adult. These were all things my brother and I wanted Mom to handle for us!!
This past year has seen my brother deal with many health issues and the loss of his job. I’ve dealt with sciatica and two steroid shots in my back, not to mention behavioral issues with our son and getting that under control.
My daughter turned 21 yesterday which is a big deal but today I’m a little sad.
Mommy, I miss you, and I hope you, Daddy and Dotti are partying in heaven and holding a place for me.
Nancy, So sad, I loved your post though. Take care and remember the happy times with your mother.
Hi, Nancy, thank you for sharing this with us. This last year has hit so many people hard, but a death is supposed to be the number one reason for stress. I work for the Coroner’s Office, but because of my personal experience when my grandmother passed away, I can tell people death brings out the best and the worst in families. I hope it wasn’t the same for you. I also tell people, it’s not so much the day they died, that hits us, it is the special days that we miss them: the birthdays, the holidays, the Sunday telephone calls in my case. It has been 26 years since my mom passed away, and on April 1 (yeah, she loved that too), I look above and say “Happy Birthday, Mom.”
nancy,
i still have times i want to share some thought with my dad tho he’s been gone over 20 years. i just went through the breast cancer thing with my 84 year young mom and hope to have her around for many more years. but what struck me from your post was how peacefully your mother seemed to go. she wasn’t found on the floor or slumped over in a chair; she laid down when the time was right. we can’t know how she might have felt physically; if she wasn’t a napper by habit, she probably went to bed because she felt bad. she was still physically active and doing things she loved, her sewing and baking cookies that morning. she had her mind. i know you would have liked to say good bye, but my dad was dying for over 18 months and i still had things i wanted to say to him afterwards. i know it was a shock for you and your brother. i’ve often wondered which is worse–living in poor health with your mind intact or getting alzheimers and not knowing where you are. i think i would hate either one. i think i’d like to go like your mother after talking to my children, taking care of the grandchildren and ready to lie down to rest with the smell of fresh-baked cookies lingering in my house.
thanks for sharing your feelings. i hope your day is getting better. i so know how you feel so let me know if you ever want to talk. i have a friend that lost her mom too and she always suggests to me to write to mom like shes here. she says she always talked to her mom and told her everything (like i did). she said it helps her feel like she is telling her about all the good and bad things that go on in her life. i havent brought myself to do this yet. i just seem to talk outloud to her. haha. well hope your day gets better.
Lovely picture of your Mom. Her creative and talented traits, you inherited. Don’t look back and be sad, look forward and be happy to carry on the family traditons. Bake those cookies, hug your daughter and son and keep your faith in God. He is there every step along the way.
Hi, Nancy – What a rough time for you. The loss of a parent is something you can never prepare for, even if you think you’re ready for it. Hugs, girl!!!!
I cannot begin to know how you must feel. It has to be one of the hardest things a person has to experience in their lives. *hugs & prayers*
Casse
*I am such a wimp and have been wiping away tears since I read this. I Forgot to press submit even.*
I cannot begin to know how you must feel. It has to be one of the hardest things a person has to experience in their lives. *hugs & prayers* Luckily we know we will see our love ones again. God bless.
Casse
*I am such a wimp and have been wiping away tears since I read this. I Forgot to press submit even.*
Nancy,
What a lovely tribute to your mom. I didn’t realize that she died suddenly; I thought she had been ill. After losing my mom a few months ago, I can really relate to this. Thank you for sharing your feelings.