“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one!” ~ C.S. Lewis ~
This quote came from Blogging with Christian Women Online. I have been meaning to join in with this Get Inspired “meme” thing, but I continue to get distracted. Today as I went through my blogroll, I read Blest with Sons and she wrote about this quote. So I decided to try my hand at this.
I have always been the kind of person who is comfortable just talking to anyone. Not striking up a conversation, mind you, but once we start talking, I could talk all night and often talk more about myself or whatever than anyone ever wants to hear. My husband used to gently take my hand or put his hand on my shoulder as his subtle way of telling me that I was blabbing too much and maybe it was time for someone else to talk!
One mistake I have made in the past is that I mistake pleasant conversation for friendship. I learned, when my husband was in graduate school, that for real friendship to develop is for BOTH people to share. There was a woman I knew at the church we attended with whom I thought I had something in common. This church is in the middle of a major Midwestern University and most of the people we knew were college students. This woman, however, while she might have been in graduate school (see? I don’t even know), was married and as I was, too, I felt that gave us common ground.
So, I would seek her out at church gatherings and we would talk. That is, I would talk. Several times I know I confided problems or fears or concerns or whatever, thinking I was with a friend. It wasn’t until this had happened three or four times that I realizes that she never shared anything with me. She was sympathetic to whatever I spoke about and offered advice and a listening ear, but never did she tell me anything about herself or her situations.
One night I talked to my husband about this, and he told me that he believes that he and I are the kind of people who don’t have many close friends. We have acquaintances, and many times, friendly acquaintances, but only a few FRIENDS.
I find this is true even now. I have a close, dear friend who I have known since before I met my husband and we are like sisters and we know more everything about each other, even though we haven’t lived in the same state in about 20 years!
I have found one good friend here, another writer, but it’s not the same thing. I long for a close, dear friend like the one I mentioned above, someone closer I could go shopping with or to the movies or just have coffee. However, I’ve learned that I can survive without that. I have my own interests and my writing to keep me busy.
I started blogging because I was hoping to find some close friends in the blogging community. I’ve read dozens of blogs that reference other bloggers and how close they are even though they’ve never met. Never happened to me. I guess that even in this community, I’m destined to be a “friendly acquaintance.”
So, the conclusion is that while I think Lewis was right in his quote above, I think many more acquaintances are born of something in common and the friendships, while born in the same situation, are rare.
What do you think?
You sound so much like me regarding destined for aquaintances vs deep friendships although I’m definitely not a walk up to someone and start talking kind of person. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I enjoyed reading it and discovering that someone else out there feels the way I do. (((Hugs)))
I’ve made really good friends through blogging. hmmmm…. I hadn’t realized that it wasn’t like this for everybody. That’s kind of sad. There are a lot of women that I find are looking for friendships today.
By the way, the link that you left at our site didn’t work so I googled you and found it here and reentered the link.
This was also my first attempt at this meme and it certainly won’t be the last! I am also on the friendship search, I guess they’re in short supply as of late!
That’s what I thought too! Real friendship is very rare!
Hi Nancy. I know how you feel. I also moved to B.R. without knowing anyone, and I had to find my way alone (for such a “friendly” place I have found it a pretty tough town to develop friendships in). I also have lots of friendly acquiantances, but only about two real friends. Don’t feel like you’re alone.
Nancy, this is a REALLY interesting take on the quote! I can totally relate to what you were saying about the woman you talked to who didn’t share with you.
I actually think that’s HER fault and not yours. You were trying to be friendly. There’s nothing wrong with that. If she, for some reason, didn’t feel like she cliqued with you, then she needed to let you know, because otherwise there’s no way you’d know how she felt.
The past few years, I’ve been trying to become better about listening to people. God has been giving me LOTS of situations to teach me! But one thing I’ve realized is that when I’m better about listening, often those people become my closer friends because they end up asking about ME a lot. Isn’t that funny? So I end up talking a lot even though I’m trying to listen more. LOL! Not all of them become closer friends, obviously, but it’s been an interesting social experiment, if you can call it that. 🙂
Camy
Hey Nancy,
This is your myspace “aquaintance” 😀 You sent a bulletin and here I am. Reading some of your postings have given me much more respect for the Catholic faith than I had previously. I don’t know if we will ever be “friends” or not, but if not, you were at least a nice ship that I crossed paths with on the ocean of life. And never forget those people that you may influence that were no more than a moment in time. You may never remember it, but you never know when your words change lives.
Rebecca
Oh yeah girl – i know what you are saying! First of all – I talk WAY too much and will tell anyone my life story. It drives me NUTS!!! I do try to be aware of my habit to talk too much and so I make a very specific effort to ask questions and listen and ask more questions. I am super friendly and try to be a good friend. I have quite a few good friends – but my twin sister is really the only one that will ALWAYS be there for me and will always understand me. Sometimes when I read of people and their really good friends I feel a little lonely. But I also know that I am blessed to have as many firends as I do have.